Thursday, December 16, 2010

Time

Time.

Time. Flowin' like a river, to the sea.

Time keeps on slippin'... slippin'... slippin'... into the future.

No time for a summer friend;
No time for the love you send;
Seasons change, and so did I...
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There's no time left for you
No time left for you.

This is a post about... TIME.

This year, I, like many people, find myself unemployed at the holidays. This is the first time in my adult life that I have experienced this! I’m finding it to be a VERY eye-opening experience…

My employment ended in October, and my husband and I decided I should just relax through the holidays; I needed some time to recover from the loss of my job, which I held for the past 16 years. I am enjoying this time off more than I could possibly have imagined!

There’s the predictable stuff:

* Having time to actually SHOP in a leisurely fashion, rather than just grabbing the first thing I see;

* Being able to lovingly WRAP and PACK gifts for far-away peeps, rather than having Amazon do it;

* Not RUSHING everywhere!

But the most interesting thing I’m experiencing – and the most surprising to me – is how differently I’m moving through the world.

I’m not gonna lie. After trying to work full-time AND manage a household AND look after my son for the past twelve years, I. WAS. A. MESS. Emotions I experienced daily included but were not limited to: anger, disgust, resentment, frustration, mind-numbing sadness, loneliness, and self-loathing. But it had gotten to where I just didn’t know any other way. This was just the way life was, I told myself. It was just the way *I* was. Life is hard, right? Suck it up.

So, when I found myself unexpectedly freed from my life in the Hamster Wheel of the Full-time Working Mom, I was absolutely amazed at the effect it had on me. I literally TRANSFORMED. After about the first week, I felt noticeably lighter! The tension and anxiety I’ve struggled with for years has VANISHED. I move through the world differently. Interact with my friends, family, and even strangers differently. I’m warmer, kinder, more forgiving, more relaxed. No more anger toward everyone in my way (and believe me when I tell you, EVERYONE WAS IN MY WAY). No more anger at the slow barista/driver/grocery checker. All of a sudden, everything is like water off a duck’s back! AMAZING!

So… Am I enjoying the holidays? I can answer that with a resounding YES! For what may well be the first time in my son’s 12 years, I am indeed enjoying the holidays. Again I say: AMAZING.

While I don’t wish unexpected unemployment on anyone, as it is quite traumatic, I DO wish that all moms could take a nice, long break from the Hamster Wheel. I wish all moms could experience the transformative power of TIME, and PEACE. I’m not overstating it when I say: It will change your life, and that of the people around you, for the better.

Best holiday wishes to you. I hope the new year finds us all slowing down just a bit, so that we can enjoy the things that really matter.

8 comments:

Malkah said...

Hooray! I say hooray! You rule, and I'm SO happy that this otherwise unpleasant experience has led to this positive take on LIFE! That's truly inspiring. Like I said, you rule. :)

Katy said...

Katerz, I love this post. It's exactly what I've always guessed it might be like to be unemployed and released from the "hamster wheel," as you say! Glad to know my fantasies are actually true. I am so proud of you for not only making the decision to leave, but for NOTICING the beneficial effects in your life. Good for you, hon.

Nay-Nay said...

Another hooray!! I'm glad you're feeling so much better. You deserve happiness.

Hey, we both lost jobs this year and both are happier for it! Sorry we won't be getting together Saturday but we'll have fun in January. (((Hugs)))

Virginia said...

I also say Hooray!

I seriously hope to meet you in person this year, Kate. You're one rockin' lady.

Anastasia said...

How fortunate that you have this opportunity! You are one lucky Katerz!! Or you are lucky Katerz1. Oh you know what I mean. luv ya!!

watchout4snakes said...

In retrospect, being laid off my rat-race job was the best thing to happen to me in my working life. I did eventually find a new job, but now I don't have to carry a pager, work in the wee hours of the mornings on Sundays, and life is coming at me at a comfortable pace. Enjoy your appreciation of time and hang onto it whatever may come!

Miss K said...

I love this post. I am so glad that you found yourself again. The work/mom/life thing does bury who you are under a pile of crap, doesn't it? xoxo

Cynthia said...

What you wrote resonates with me so much. I changed jobs a year ago, and even though I'm still harried sometimes it does make a difference to not be run ragged. :)